It's All I Have
by IRunIWriteILive
Summary: Three years ago Alex was shot. Three years ago Alex and Olivia parted ways, unwilling as it was. Now Alex is back. How have the years apart change the two women and will they every be able to get back to where the were?
1. Arrival on the Anniversary

**Title: **It's all I Have 

**Author: **IRunIWriteILive

**Ships: **Alex/Olivia

**Summary: **Three years ago Alex was shot. Three years ago Alex and Olivia parted ways, unwilling as it was. Now Alex is back. How did each women change in the others absence and will they be able to become what they once were?

**Authors Note: **Hi, my name is IRunIWriteILive and while this is my first posting in this domain I have been an avid writer for just about four years now. I have stuck to mostly fanfiction stories, with interests in Rizzoli and Isles and NCIS (I have not posted stories in either). This is my first attempt at a full length fic and I can promise you that it will be a journey, both for the characters, my audience and my self. I _crave_ reviews so I can better myself as an author (which is my ultimate goal). Without further adieu, I will allow you to read:

**DISCLAIMER: **Let's stop and think about this for a moment, seriously, if I owned _Law and Order: Special Victims Unit _would I be on here? If you think that I would, by all means sue me, you'll get NOTHING.

* * *

><p>*<strong>INSERT LINE BREAK HERE*<strong>

* * *

><p>Soft music played in the background as Olivia Benson hummed quietly along with the song, her focus contained to the meal she was currently preparing. In her hand she wielded an extremely sharp knife that she was using to slice through an array of vegetables, which would soon be put into a pan and then into the oven to be baked. As she did this, still humming the same tune even though the song had turned, a single tear streaked down the detectives face.<p>

Wiping the lone tear with a quick wipe of a gloved hand, Olivia pushed the uprising of thoughts back down and focused on preparing the spices for the pork she had bought earlier in the evening. Paprika, cumin and garlic powder were just a few of the spice she retrieved from the spice cabinet and proceeded to combine into a fine mixture.

The reason why Detective Olivia Benson was so focused on _not _thinking and rather the mindless task of preparing such an elaborate dinner was because today was an anniversary. It wasn't a relationship anniversary, she hadn't been in a relationship (not a serious one anyway) for three years. It wasn't work related, she hadn't joined NYPD in March (she had joined in August) and she had joined SVU in May of the following year. No, this was a rather depressing anniversary and perhaps it was the only event that Olivia actually cared about, willingly (Elliot made sure she remembered his birthday by repeating it was 'coming up' a good month before hand).

Today was the day that Alexandra Cabot got shot.

Today was the day that the one good thing, the best part of Olivia's life was ruined.

Today was the day that Alex was admitted into witness protection and Olivia was left alone, with a giant penthouse and a Doberman, all to herself.

For the first few months Olivia had spent more time at work then she did inside the penthouse, only coming home to take Duke for walks and those would last well into the early hours of the morning. At one point over the first four months of Alex's absence Olivia went two entire weeks without sleeping at their, her, apartment. She slept in one of the crib beds or her desk and rarely ate more than a sandwich and a few cups of coffee during the day.

It had taken an intervention of sorts, performed by Elliot and with some help from Mother Nature, to make Olivia realize that she _could _move on. Elliot had watched, for months, as his best friend tried to deal with the fact that Alex was gone. He had suspected that they were more than friends and this was confirmed later by Alex, rather than Olivia. He knew that Olivia was trying her best to recover from the loss but he also knew that she was struggling. Finally, just when it looked like Olivia was about to keel over from a combination of exhaustion (mental and physical), she had gotten a case of the good ol' fashion flu. While Olivia had sitting in bed, sick from exhaustion, Elliot had taken it upon himself to make sure his best friend knew that she would get past all of this, maybe not entirely by partially:

"_Liv." Elliot said, his voice soft as he entered his partners pitch black bedroom. _

_He knew that was only faking to be asleep because she didn't want to hear what he was about to say next. Not that he cared of course, she needed to hear it, needed to know that she couldn't keep living like this. She needed help and as the best friend it was his duty to say this. So, turning on the bedside lamp and sitting at the end of the bed he waited while Olivia turned around to face him. _

_Her eyes were bloodshot and dark circles surrounded them, her face was sallow and her skin pale, she seemed like a shell of the detective he knew "Olivia." He said "You're killing yourself." _

_She looked away. _

"_Fine." He said "You don't have to talk and frankly I think I have more to say than you're going to want to hear." He paused, gauging her reaction before continuing "I know that you and Alex were close." _

_Olivia couldn't help but let out a sharp, humorless, laugh "We were dating Elliot." She corrected him, without meeting his eyes. _

"_I know." He confessed "And I know that her" he searched for the right word "Absence" he settled on finally "shattered you. When you were with her, you were happy all the time, you were getting sleep, eating, going home, you had someone to take care of you and someone to take care of. You were happy and even though you didn't tell me, I was happy because you were happy. After Alex left, you changed and it kills me to see you like this."_

_No response. _

_So Elliot plowed on "You're not sleeping, not eating, you're not as efficient at work. Don't give me that look" he said, as Olivia glared at him and opened her mouth to object "because you know it's true. You're my best friend Liv and I don't care if I have to move in with you, I'm not letting you do this to yourself any more." _

_There was a long silence, Elliot looked at Olivia and Olivia looked away before finally Olivia spoke, her words choked with tears as she no longer fought to keep them bottled up "I miss her so much." She whispered, to finally speak the words made it feel like a weight was lifted off her shoulders._

_For the past four months Olivia had silently coped, or tried to cope, with the fact that Alex, her love, her lover, was gone. For four months Olivia was oblivious to the hole she was falling into. For four months Olivia just tried to survive. _

"_I know." Elliot replied, wrapping one arm around his friends shoulders and pulling her into him. Right now he didn't care about the intimacy that the gesture provoked, she was his friend and she needed him and fuck everyone who thought he would turn a cold shoulder to that "I know you do Liv." He whispered "But there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I promise you there is and I will help you get there." _

"Light at the end of the tunnel." Olivia repeated out loud as she sealed the spice covered pork in a zip-lock bag and placed it inside the fridge to marinate "Some tunnel." She said, it had now been four years (to the day) that Alex had been shot and sub sequentially gone into the Witness Protection Program. It was on the anniversary of this day that Olivia actually put effort into dinner. She made the same meal every year, Alex's favorite when the two of them had time to actually cook, and it was the one day of the year when Olivia allowed herself to be all emotional about Alex being gone.

Not that Olivia wasn't emotional on other days during the year, like Alex's birthday, or the day that they first went out on a date. On Alex's birthday Olivia buys roses, twelve of them, and then goes to the cemetery where Alex is 'buried.' Even though she knows that Alex isn't actually dead, being here, near her, it made her feel close to her girlfriend. When that night rolls around, the one that Olivia remembers as the time her and Alex finally stopped dancing and took that next step with each other, Olivia goes to the bar where they went out. She goes and drinks and talks to the bartender who still remembers the first time she and Alex went there.

Moving from the kitchen to the balcony, where the grill was, Olivia put the pork on the grill, then leaned against the railing and looking at the skyline. Herself and Alex had spent many nights, intertwined in each others arms, protecting each other from the world. Enjoying each other. Loving each other.

A wet nose on her hand dragged Olivia's attention out of her thoughts and back to the present, where Duke was now sitting next to her "Hey Duke." Olivia said, rubbing the Doberman's head gently.

Getting a dog, especially Duke, had not been Olivia's idea in the slightest. Alex had simply come home one day after work and following in her trail was the biggest Doberman Olivia had ever seen. It had taken Olivia a little more than a week to get used to the presence of the dog. Thankfully he was housetrained but his booming bark still made her jump. It was only now, now that Olivia was alone again, that she realized how stupid it was that she hadn't gotten a dog sooner. Having someone, something, to come home to was nice. In fact for a long while after Alex had been gone, it was only because Duke needed to get walked that Olivia would come home.

"I think" Olivia said to Duke "The food is almost done."

Two minutes later Olivia used the silver tongs to remove the pork off the girl and migrate back into the kitchen where she placed the veggies and pork on a plate before going out to the living room. The entire time Duke had been following her, his dark eyes glued to the plate, as if he was hoping that somehow Olivia would drop the plate he would be able to eat it. After setting the plate down and casting a warning glance in Duke's direction Olivia darted back into the kitchen to pour herself a much needed glass of wine

On top of this being the anniversary of Alex getting shot, Olivia had spent all morning following a paper trail and then a good chunk of the afternoon chasing down a rapist. They had spent the better part of two weeks trying locate a rapist by the name of Charles Creek. After all of the surveillance, search warrants and other crap that Elliot and Olivia had been through, it all came down to a car chase, followed by a foot chase. Lucky for Olivia she got to chase Creek down.

It was actually quite an impressive catch on her part, vaulting two low standing walls, weaving through a crowd before taking Creek down, football style. Sure she had a few bruises forming but the look on Creek's face when he saw he had been taken down by a _female _cop was priceless. That and Elliot had bet her coffee for a week that he would cuff the guy.

With a full week of free, not precinct brewed, coffee coming her way and the weather finally seemed to be steadily above sixty degrees, _I might just be reaching the end of the tunnel_, Olivia thought to herself as she stood up, empty plate in hand.

As she ventured back into the kitchen, Duke still following her still hoping to get a scrap of meat off of her plate, a sharp knock on her front door made Olivia hesitate. Even thought it was still early in the evening, she wasn't expecting anybody and in her line of work, having people you don't expect knocking on your door was a bad thing.

However, Duke's hackles weren't raised and instead of bearing his razor sharp teeth, his head was cocked sideways and there was some kind of expression that made Olivia feel like this wasn't an imposter. That gut feeling aside Olivia still grabbed her SIG and walked slowly and quietly towards the door. Just as she was about to peer out of the peephole she heard a familiar voice say "Elliot said she'd gone home for the night, maybe she's out somewhere else."

"We can go back to the hotel and come back tomorrow."an unfamiliar male voice said

"I suppose." The same familiar voice said, the tone seemed upset, dejected.

Olivia's heart was racing, her pulse thudding loudly as her brain scrambled to figure out what the hell was going on. That voice, she hadn't heard for three years.

She flung open the door, gun still in her hand and, seeing the person walking back towards the elevator bank she shouted desperately "Alex, wait!"

* * *

><p><strong>*INSERT LINE BREAK HERE*<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Welcome to the end of chapter one. <em>

_Rough around the edges as it probably was I would greatly appreciate any and all advice that you have to offer. Or, if you don't want to give me any advice at all, just lemme know if my portrayal of the characters is accurate. Or, if that doesn't tickle your fancy, you could, ummm, I dunno, give me kittens or something. _

IRunIWriteILive


	2. Wine on the Couch

**Title: **It's all I Have 

**Author: **IRunIWriteILive

**Ships: **Alex/Olivia

**Summary: **Three years ago Alex was shot. Three years ago Alex and Olivia parted ways, unwilling as it was. Now Alex is back. How did each women change in the others absence and will they be able to become what they once were?

**DISCLAIMER: **Let's stop and think about this for a moment, seriously, if I owned _Law and Order: Special Victims Unit _would I be on here? If you think that I would, by all means sue me, you'll get NOTHING.

**Authors Note: **I'm going to have to thank-Brit, juicetroop82, SaraPi, AnywhereElse, PurpleSneakers, brwnsuga, Jessica, Al, Roookie, Shay0909, LiziJ1987, lwatson3, Ockham's Razor- for all reviewing my story plus all of the favorite/story alerts and notifications that I also received. The reunion chapter, like it or not here it is, and take this as the calm before the storm.

* * *

><p>*<strong>INSERT LINE BREAK HERE*<strong>

* * *

><p>Alexandra Cabot had spent most of the past twenty-four hours picturing, more like fretting over, Olivia's reaction to her arrival. She had expected tears, joyful or angry Alex hadn't hazarded a guess but her brown eyed detective, a confused but joyful expression on her face with her NYPD issued handgun clutched in her right hand had <em>definitely <em>not been something Alex had been expecting. Her U.S. Marshalls however acted on instinct rather than intellect and next thing Alex knew she was pinned against the wall, both Marshalls standing in front of her, gun drawn and pointed at Olivia.

There was a brief moment of silence, where both Alex and Olivia tried to process what was going on, while the foremost of the U.S. Marshalls shouted "Put the gun down!"

Suddenly realizing what this must look like to the every wary U.S. Marshalls, however this small action didn't seem to appease the Marshalls. With one attempting to shove Alex into the open elevator doors, the other advanced forward, gun still drawn, and proceeded to pat Olivia down. Alex was not having any of this, she knew from the expression on Olivia's face that she hadn't intended to shoot her, out of surprise maybe but malice, no "Seriously." She said, shoving her 'protectors' arm out of the way and walking quickly down the hall towards Olivia "She wasn't trying to shoot me." She said angrily "She's an NYPD detective, unexpected visitors late at night tend to lead to violent encounters, not girlfriends coming out of witness protection."

The Marshall who had patted Olivia down took a step back, glanced once at Olivia suspiciously before seeming to believe Alex's story "We'll contact you tomorrow." He said "About the rest of the deal."

Alex sighed, they had to say it didn't they, now Olivia would want to know about _the deal_ and honestly, the ADA was not quite ready to handle talking about that. Right now all she wanted was to simply _be, _to just exist with Olivia "Alright." She said, turning her back to him and looking at Olivia and saying, with a small smile "This isn't how I pictured this going."

Olivia didn't say anything, she was simply staring at Alex. This couldn't be real, after three years of being gone, Alex was here, back, it was surreal.

"Liv." Alex said, her tone cautious and questioning, the detective silence unnerving her.

"I-" Olivia began, trying to string together the words that could convey how she actually felt but, finding that it was impossibly vied for the easiest option.

She kissed Alex.

Kissed her like there was no tomorrow.

Kissed her like she had envisioned at night, when she was missing Alex the most, in the depths of her despair.

And Alex reciprocated.

There was no stopping the passion and with it the tears that fell not just from the detective's face but from Alex's crystal blue eyes. The salty drops mix and mingled from the woman as they moved inside the penthouse, Duke now trying to reach his beloved mistress. The dogs enthusiasm was so great that it forced the two women apart as he jumped up and put both paws on Alex's shoulders.

"Duke!" Alex shrieked as the dogs kisses replaced Olivia's and pushed the dog back down onto all four paws. Kneeling down to give the desperate dog some attention she felt Olivia's eyes on her and she looked up "Jealous?" she said.

"That our dog is getting more love than me?" Olivia asked, a smirk on her face "Never."

"Well Detective" Alex started "Last time I checked, Duke doesn't sleep with us so…" she trailed off, allowing Olivia's mind to wander.

"Later." Olivia nodded, right now, as much as she would rather be in the bedroom with her girlfriend, she wanted to know about the past three years "Do you want something to eat, there's a left over pork chop and some veggies if you want 'em?"

Alex shook her head, the rush of being home now subsiding, she knew that Olivia was going to want to know about being in WitSec (witness security) and truthfully, Alex was nervous to talk about it. Not that she didn't want Olivia to know about it and everything, but it driven her to such a dark place in her own mind that the scars still burned sometimes "I'm fine, I had some fast food at the airport, but I could use a glass of wine."

A few minutes later with a glass of wine in hand, Alex settled onto the couch next to Olivia. There was some silence before Olivia said "I'll get if you don't want to talk about but-"

Alex cut her off "I do, Liv, I do. It's just" she hesitated "not going to be easy for me." She set the wine glass down and looked away from Olivia, the tears already threatening to overflow "They sent me to this tiny suburb in Wisconsin under the name Emily. I worked in an insurance agency and played on the company softball team."

Olivia noticed the change in Alex's tone, it was robotic, like she was simply spitting out facts. It made her heart ache to hear the tone, the tone her girlfriend used when she was trying to hide the pain "Lex." She said softly, wrapping an arm around her girlfriend "You don't have to talk about it."

Falling into Olivia's grasp the blond laid her head against the detectives chest, allowing her toned arms to envelop her, protect her, comfort her "It was so hard." She said quietly, her voice choked with tears "I had to be this quiet, mousy woman. She couldn't bring attention to herself, she had to avoid the spotlight, no employee of the month, or clinch hitter at the bottom of the ninth. I had to be come a shadow, blend in with the crowd." The tears were streaming down Alex's face now and she was unable to stop them.

"Lex" Olivia whispered softly "It's over now. You're here, with me, with Duke, the city, the squad. It's all over now."

"The worst was the nightmares." Alex said and Olivia's heartbeat quickened as she heard those words, she knew of Alex's nightmares, what they did to her "Sometimes I would wake up screaming, crying, or both. Or sometimes I would just wake up with no voice and I would know that I had been screaming all night. I stopped sleeping after a while, I didn't, couldn't, face my dreams, they tortured me."

"I wish I could have been there." Olivia said, envisioning a terrified Alex, alone, in Wisconsin.

"There was this one nightmare" Alex continued without any sign that she had heard Olivia, now she was simply focused on spewing out ,the worst parts of the past three years, she needed to talk about it, needed to get it out "where you and I would be walking around Central Park and all of a sudden there'd be a gun shot. You'd be bleeding out on the ground and all these people would just walk by, like nothing was going wrong. My phone didn't work and the blood just kept coming-" Alex stopped talking, the nightmare now replaying over and over again in her head.

Tears were streaming down both women's faces once again "It's over." Olivia repeated over and over again "It's over."

Pushing herself out the detective's arms, Alex looked over at Olivia as if she was realizing something for the first time "You cooked pork chops and roasted vegetables." She stated, her eyes red form crying but some other emotion now glinting in them.

"Yes." Olivia said, not sure where this fact was going to take them.

"It's been three years exactly." Alex stated.

"Yes."

Clearly Alex had made the connection between the meal and the date, which meant that "Were you celebrating the anniversary of my shooting?"

"No." Olivia replied hastily "It's just the one day of the year that I allow myself to miss you."

Damn, that didn't come out right.

"Explain." Alex demanded, not angrily, more curiously.

Olivia sighed "After you left things spiraled downwards, fast, Elliot could probably tell you better than I could. About four months after you were gone, he told me that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and that he would move in with me if he had to, just to make sure I made it through." A small smile twitched at the edges of Alex's lips as she heard this "After that I told myself that I would make it, and I told myself that I wouldn't spend all my time missing you, so I gave myself three days."

"Which ones?" Alex asked quietly, knowing already what they were, because she did the exact same thing.

"Today, our anniversary and your birthday." Olivia said without hesitation "I knew that I couldn't stop missing you but I figured I could manage it." Her voice trembled as she was once again on the verge of tears, for the third time that night "I missed you" she whispered, leaning in to Alex "So much." She said, and their lips met.

This time the kiss was just as passionate but slower, as if the two women were meeting for the first time. Alex's hands slid down Olivia's back and pulled the brunette to her, right now, this time, Alex needed Olivia, more than any other time. Olivia's hands intertwined themselves gently in Alex's long blond hair.

The two women wanted, needed and desired this. It had been three years, three years of tears, of pain and of heartbreak. As Alex undid the button to Olivia's jeans, the brunette moaned and the blond responded by pushing Olivia onto her back and half whispering-half moaning "I love you baby." Before resuming her trail of kisses along the detectives collar bone.

* * *

><p>*<strong>INSERT LINE BREAK HERE*<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Wanted things to get M rated? <em>

_Later. _

_I promise. _

_Yet again we are at the end of another chapter. I hope that this one was as fulfilling as the last seemed to be. Anyway next chapter we find out how Alex got out of WitSec plus she goes back to her job and meets, Casey Novak? _

_Anyway, shoot me a review, or this time I'm also accepting one-shot plot bunnies. _

_Thanks, _

IRunIWriteILive


	3. When Two Meets One

**Title: **It's all I Have 

**Author: **IRunIWriteILive

**Ships: **Alex/Olivia

**Summary: **Three years ago Alex was shot. Three years ago Alex and Olivia parted ways, unwilling as it was. Now Alex is back. How did each women change in the others absence and will they be able to become what they once were?

**DISCLAIMER: **Let's stop and think about this for a moment, seriously, if I owned _Law and Order: Special Victims Unit _would I be on here? If you think that I would, by all means sue me, you'll get NOTHING.

**Authors Note: **I must give thanks to-Juicetroop82; Brit; Brwnsuga; heatwave16; Jessica; ; LiziJ1987;tansikat; Roookie; Ockham's Razor and AnywhereElse- for their fantastic reviews. Things get heated between two certain people *cough* Alex and Casey *coughchough* Anywayyyy, I'm sorry that this update took so long to come. It was due to the fact that I had minor writers block and the fact that just completed my last day of high school so I had finals and other such things to deal with. I hope that you enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>*INSERT LINE BREAK HERE*<strong>

* * *

><p>ADA Casey Novak had never believed in ghosts, some part of her logical, rational brain had long since dispelled any belief in ghosts, along with Santa and the Easter Bunny. Sure, it had broken her sister's heart when she had revealed that Santa Clause was actually a figment of media imagination and was carried out by their doting parents, but it was for the best. However when Casey walked into the work that day and saw former (and supposed to be dead) ADA Alexandra Cabot standing in Elizabeth Donnelly's office, she began to reconsider.<p>

It became apparent very quickly that Casey was not the only person interested in the former ADA's reappearance. Those members of the office who had been working when Alex had been alive were grouped in little clusters, whispering amongst themselves and staring into the office, like they were back in the fifth grade or something. However Casey felt obliged to try and get the scoop from Alex's former secretary and legal aide, Leigh Nalls "Hey." She said as she handed the dark haired woman a cup of coffee from the tray she held "I thought she was dead."

Not the best way to start hat conversation but it was the most frank way to put it, it was the truth after all "So did I." Leigh replied "I arrived here early this morning and Alex was already in Liz's office. I nearly had a heart attack, Judge Petrovsky actually fainted and Donnelly looked like she was about to cry."

"So if she was dead, how is she alive?" Casey asked, she had a few ideas forming in her mind but would rather see what the office gossip was then be the kick start to any rumors.

"That" Leigh said, sipping the coffee for dramatic effect "Is the million dollar question."

"Oh come on." Casey sighed "You can't tell me there haven't been any rumors yet. She was dead for three years for christssake."

Leigh nodded as she swallowed another sip of coffee "Sure, so far I've heard two different rumors, that's actually her twin or she was in witness protection."

"WitSec." Casey repeated, that seemed the most viable option and one that she herself had not considered. Deciding that she might as well get this matter straightened out for herself, the ADA decided to call Olivia.

"Benson."

"Hey, Olivia, it's Casey."

"Hey" Olivia said warmly, a vaugue idea forming about what the topic of conversation was "how can I help you?"

Casey paused, how was she supposed to ask if Olivia's dead girlfriend was actually not dead, but very much alive "Look, I just need to know if someone spiked the coffee this morning but, is Alexandra Cabot back?"

Olivia, who was currently sitting at her desk filling out DD-5 forms and was waiting for Elliot to return with breakfast for them both after which she was obliged to talk about the previous night, said "I have no idea what you're talking about." In a rather neutral tone of voice, it was cruel but Alex had decided to play this game in the first place, Olivia was only taking part, as were Elliot, Munch, Fin and even Cragen.

"What?" Casey said, not quite sure what was going on "Well there is someone who looks very, very similar to Alex down in Donnelly's office and half of the court thinks they're seeing a dead woman."

At that moment Elliot arrived and, seeing that Olivia needed to get off the phone before the very attentive ADA figured out that she was being messed with, yelled loudly "Liv! We gotta go do that thing, remember!"

All Casey heard was a muffled shout of _Liv! _And then _…gotta go….remember_. She let out a long sigh and said "Thanks for the help Olivia."

"No problem." Olivia said, trying to keep her tone neutral as she could until she hung up. After doing so she turned to Elliot "That was Casey."

"Ah, our illustrious ADA, does she, like many others, think that she is seeing ghosts?" Came Munch's voice from by the coffee pot.

"Yes." Olivia said "And I'm pretty sure she's going to kill me when she finds out that I knew all along."

"The part I don't get" Elliot started "Is why play the game in the first place? She was dead for three years, people aren't going to take her return lightly."

Olivia nodded, this too had been a thought that had crossed her mind "I think" she started slowly "I think it's how Alex is handling the nerves."

"Alex. Nervous?" Elliot and Munch both scoffed.

"Oh come on guys." Olivia said "She's going back to a place where everyone thought she was dead and asking for her job back. I'm sure Casey's not just going to hand it over to her just because she's alive again." There was more that Olivia could say, but Alex had said it in the confidence that Olivia would not share and thus, she was bound to silence.

* * *

><p><strong>*INSERT LINE BREAK HERE* <strong>

* * *

><p>"What is this?" Casey spat, not able to hold in the anger and confusion, it was nothing personal but this was some bullshit "She's been gone for three years, comes waltzing back into this office and she gets her job back, that doesn't make sense."<p>

"Casey." Elizabeth said sharply, this was not going to end well but she hadn't expected it to in the first place. This sort of idea was the only one that would, in some form or fashion, allow Alex to have a job and Casey to remain undisturbed, or that's how the plan was supposed to go.

Alex sighed, the anger in Casey's voice was evident and she knew that if they were in the opposing roles she would be feeling the exact same way. Liz had established that there would be two ADA positions now, one for each of the two women and as long as they could play nice and still maintain a clean record inside the court room, it would remain that way "Listen to me." Liz continued "You still have the ADA position and title, you still work with SVU and you still take other cases. You're job has not changed."

It was true, Casey knew that, she was just upset that it seemed so easy for Alex to just come back, the transition seemed almost nonexistent "Is she even still qualified?" It was a low blow and uncharacteristically snarky for the red headed ADA but at this stage, she was trying to make point. She was pissed.

Alex rolled her eyes "Yes. I am still qualified. I can even retake the B.A.R exam if it would please you."

Liz on the other hand was not happy with Casey's actions "Alex, would you give me a moment with Casey?" Alex nodded and walked out of the room, giving the women a moment alone. Once she was gone, Liz turned back to Casey "I get it." She said "You're pissed, but Alexandra is a very competent lawyer and I can assure you that if her work is not up to standard than I _will _remove her from the position. However this is a double edged sword, if you let your anger get the best of you and your work is affected as a consequence than you will also be demoted. Cases will be assigned on an alternating basis, Alex take a case for SVU, you takes a case for SVU and in the meantime both you can take some other cases to balance it out. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes." Casey said, she wasn't so angry anymore. The brief moment of rage stemming from a lack of sleep and an unusually heavy caseload but with this arrangement it seemed like her stress level may actually go down.

"Good." Liz said, making it clear that the conversation was over "Send Alex in on your way out."

Casey nodded and made her exit "She wants you." She said stiffly, she had heard about Alexandra Cabot and, in some small part of her (that she would never, _ever, _admit to anyone) she was afraid of the woman.

"Thanks." Alex said, neither woman seeking to make eye contact with the other "Well" she sighed "that went well."

"Sure." Liz agreed "If you don't mind her resenting you."

Alex shrugged "One more enemy to add to the list." The comment was errant but Elizabeth knew that it ran deeper.

"Alex." She said "Why are you back?" It sounded cruel but Alex saw past it, knowing what the elder woman wanted to know.

She let out a sigh and wrung her hands together "They came to me in Wisconsin, picked me up from work one day. They told me that they had found the man who had tried to kill me, Liam Connors." She said "They told me I could go back to New York, back to my old life." She paused, her voice was shaking and some part of her knew that Olivia should be the first to know exactly how she had managed to come back but she had known Elizabeth for most of her childhood as well as college and eventually law school.

"There was a catch." Liz said quietly

Alex nodded "I have to testify in open court about the case."

"What about Rafael Gaviria?"

"That's how I'm back here." She said "They found him, as well as three of his top henchmen shot dead, in his house. The bullets found in their heads matched the one that was found in me, except there was a print, a twisted but identifiable print. They matched it to a sniper named Liam Connors , cornered him down in Miami and now he's here, at Rikers, awaiting trial."

"Are you ready?"

"Sure." Alex said, but the meaning behind the words as not lost on Liz.

"He can't hurt you Alex." She said "You or Olivia or anyone else you care about, he's in prison."

"I know." Alex said, the ghost of a smile playing on her lips "I know Liz, it's just…"she trailed off not sure how to say what she felt.

"Different being the victim?" Liz said "You can do this Alex." She said "And you have a gorgeous detective who will be there for you every step of the way."

"I know, I haven't even told Liv about all of this yet." She said "The defense is probably going to bring our relationship up in an attempt to muddy my reliability, say that I would do anything to get back to New York."

"Unless the prosecution brings up your choice of dates then there should be no reason for the defense to bring it up in the cross examination."

"If the prosecution brings up my credibility then it leaves them with an open door." Alex countered

"Make sure the prosecution is aware of your suspicions and the word 'Objection'." Donnelly said with a grin "Now, while I love your company, I have work to do."

The two women stood up and exchanged a long hug, the older woman marveling for a brief moment and just how much Alexandra had changed since her teenage years. The powerful, confident woman was a far cry from the girl who had appeared on her doorstep, terrified that her parents wouldn't love her anymore, just because she was gay and wanted to be a lawyer rather than some more political savvy career. Sure, Alex's mother was still bitter and rather hostile towards Alex as a whole but in the rest of the _extensive _Cabot family seemed to have taken the news that Alex was interested in women perfectly fine, neither judging her, nor holding it against her.

Life had simply moved on.

* * *

><p><strong>*INSERT LINE BREAK HERE*<strong>

* * *

><p><em>I was taken aback by how difficult it was for me to write this chapter. I wanted Alex and Casey to meet but at the same time set up a little background Liz and Alex. Anyway I managed to get it done and I hope you all enjoyed this past chapter. <em>

_Now that Alex and Casey's relationship is less than friendly, how will it affect the rest of the squad? Will they be forced to take sides, not that that would be fair, and what about Liam Connors! So much more to come, I am thrilled with all the feedback I have been getting. _

_Thanks, _

IRunIWriteILive


	4. Unexpected Surprises

**Title: **It's all I Have 

**Author: **IRunIWriteILive

**Ships: **Alex/Olivia

**Summary: **Three years ago Alex was shot. Three years ago Alex and Olivia parted ways, unwilling as it was. Now Alex is back. How did each women change in the others absence and will they be able to become what they once were?

**DISCLAIMER: **Let's stop and think about this for a moment, seriously, if I owned _Law and Order: Special Victims Unit _would I be on here? If you think that I would, by all means sue me, you'll get NOTHING.

**Author's Note: **Thanks to-juicetroop82;brit10brat;jbcjazz;LizJ1987;Jessica;Slywolf17;AnywhereElse; Ockhams Razor; brwnsuga;peterpeter- for reviewing the last chapter. Someone asked me what happened to the M rated stuff and I figure I might as well give you the straight up explanation. Some of you guys might judge me, because I am only seventeen, but I am not comfortable writing M rated stories until I'm eighteen. Say what you will but hey, it's how I feel. Enjoy this chapter.

* * *

><p><strong>*INSERT LINEBREAK HERE*<strong>

* * *

><p>The tension in the courtroom could have been cut with a knife as defendant and ADA stared each other down. It was crystal piercing blue against muddy brown and as they spoke to each other, their tone curt and body language screaming animosity, it was clear to the jury who was winning. While the tall, blond, domineering prosecutor remained stoic and her gaze, unwavering, the defendant's gaze shifted downwards and his shoulder slumped, defeated, he was breaking down. It was as Alexandra Cabot rested her case and resumed her seat at the prosecutors table that the defendant finally lost it. The humiliation of being embarrassed by a <em>woman, <em>being cornered into admitting his own guilt by a _woman_ was too much for him to handle.

"Bitch!" he cried out, leaping out of the witness stand and vaulting the low barrier to land on the floor, just feet away from the ADA "You're just like the rest of them!" he screamed, moving faster than the bailiff could react as he launched himself at Alex.

Three years ago Alex may not have had the reflexes to move fast enough but three years in witness protection had honed both her reactions and her self defense skills. As table, defendant and attorney collided, Alex brought her knee up and into the defendants' fleshy stomach. He let out a roar of pain as spiky, heeled shoe landed, hard, on his foot and even as he tried to once again attack Alex, who was now on the ground and covered by the heavy wooden table, the bailiffs finally arrived and hauled him, kicking and screaming out of the court room.

The chaos of the courtroom finally reached Alex's ears as she attempted to remove the table from on top of her. Somehow, between the defendant colliding with it, her kicking him and him being hauled away, herself, and the desk, had managed to fall to the ground. Realizing that she was not going to be able to life it alone, she waited for only a brief moment, before someone hauled it off of her and stuck out a hand.

"You alright?" came the familiar voice of Detective Elliot Stabler

Alex nodded "Yeah" she said with a grimace as a dull, radiating pain spiked from her abdomen.

"Right." Elliot said with a smirk, indicating just how much he_ didn't _believe Alex"You've been spending too much time with Olivia, let's get you checked out."

Alex resisted, turning her attention back to Judge Petrovsky and the rest of the courtroom. It seemed that everyone in the viewing gallery had been ushered out of the room, leaving the defense attorney, who was wondering what the hell happened, herself, Elliot and Lena Petrovsky "I think" Lena said "we will call this case in recess and wait until the prosecution has been checked out for any injuries relating to the attack by the defendant." Turning her gaze to the blond ADA, Lena continued "Providing you are not mandated to stay overnight at the hospital we will meet in my chambers tomorrow at nine thirty am to discuss what will be done about this case."

"Yes your honor."Both attorneys said and with that Alex was basically forced out of the courtroom by Elliot.

"Seriously Elliot, I'm fine."

"Right and the labored breath, short inhalations is what, a new yoga thing?" he said "Look, I'm just trying to save my own skin here" he continued, grinning "Olivia finds out that you were attacked by a defendant _and _a table but didn't get checked out, she'll have my ass."

"Ah" Alex said "So it's not really me that you care about, just your ass."

Elliot shrugged "It's a dog it dog world out there. Your girlfriend just so happens to have a NYPD issued handgun on her at almost all times and her aim is scary. So" Elliot paused "I apologize if my concerns are elsewhere. Nice reflexes by the way."

"Thanks." Alex replied, as she slid into the passenger seat of the Queen Victoria squad car Elliot and Olivia treasured so much "I should probably call Liv before someone else tells her I was attacked. I won't hear the end of it for a month."

"Good point." Elliot agreed "She'll rant and rave about how worried she was for weeks."

Both occupants of the car shared a chuckle at Olivia's protective nature.

"_Benson." _

"Hey, Liv, it Alex."

"_Hey Lex, what's going on." _

Alex paused and took a breath "I need you to not freak out and listen to everything I have to say okay?"

"_Sure" _Olivia promised, now slightly worried and curious as to what was going on.

"I'm going to the hospital." Alex started

"_What? Alex are you-" _

"Listen." Alex admonished "I was attacked by a defendant in court today, I'm fine but your partner was intent on taking me to the hospital to get checked out."

"_At least one of you has some sense." _Olivia said _"Put El on the phone." _

"She wants to talk to you." Alex said by way of explanation as she handed Elliot the phone.

"It's Elliot."

"_Is she really okay?" _Olivia demanded, keeping her voice low so the attentive attorney who she knew was listening in wouldn't gather the gist of her conversation.

The detectives attempts were futile, the ADA knew exactly what her overprotective girlfriend wanted to know, this in mind she rolled her eyes dramatically and proceeded to roll down the window as Elliot continued the conversation "She's probably got a few bruised ribs and a case in the bag but other than that she seems fine."

"_Bruised ribs? Jesus Elliot, what happened?" _Olivia asked, exasperated because each second she remained on the phone it seemed like Alex had been in a life threatening incident.

Snatching the phone from Elliot, Alex proceeded to reply, knowing that any explanation Elliot gave would only further drive Olivia into her own wild imagination "The defendant vaulted over the witness stand and knocked the prosecutors table over and it landed on me."

"_How'd he get all the way over there?" _

"Bailiff had slow reflexes, seriously, Olivia I promise I'm fine."

Olivia harrumphed into the phone and let out a long sigh before responding _"I'm over reacting." _

This suddenly change in the tenor of Olivia's voice and the admittance put Alex on alert"Liv, baby, it's fine. I get it."

"_It's just, you know, after…" _Olivia trailed off, uncertain of how to continue the sentence.

"How about a late lunch after the hospital clears me?" Alex asked, hoping to provide the sudden change of topic her girlfriend needed at the present.

"_Sure." _Olivia agreed, the smile on her face, evident in her voice _"I'll see you later babe, stay safe. Love you." _

"Love you too Liv."

* * *

><p><strong>*INSERT LINE BREAK HERE*<strong>

* * *

><p>Alex was irritated and in pain. She had been in this stinking waiting room for three hours, three whole hours, just waiting to get looked at. Her ribs and abdomen were throbbing with every inhalation and the constant noise and movement was giving her a headache. Elliot had disappeared about five or so minutes ago to try and see if his NYPD badge could speed up the process. But that had been five minutes ago and Alex was beginning to give up hope.<p>

"Alex." Elliot said "We have a problem."

"What?" she said, confused "What do you mean by _a problem_?"

"You're dead."

"Was." Alex corrected, not seeing how her recent return from the grave could be affecting her present situation.

Elliot shook his head "According to the hospitals records you were shot three years and two weeks ago and died from the subsequent wounds. They refuse to treat a dead woman."

Alex put her head in her hands, banging them repeatedly letting out a soft moan. This went on for ten, maybe fifteen seconds before she stood up, pulled out her phone dialed a number rapidly. She began pacing as she waited for the person to pick up, when they finally did she said "Do I sound dead to you?"

Pause. Some indescribable babble that neither Elliot, neither the nurses could understand.

"Right, you know that I'm alive. My boss knows I'm alive. Hell, half of New York City knows I'm alive but for some strange reason my medical records still declare that I. Am. Dead." She punctuated each of the last three words, emphasizing each word to make sure he understood her point.

More babbly, but Alex seemed to be unsatisfied with what was being said "Fine." She snapped "I'll go to Walgreens and pick up some Advil while you work on making sure I'm not dead." And with that she hung up and turned to Elliot "They can't do anything right now. They need to pass through the 'proper legal channels' before pulling my death certificate. Bullshit. "she muttered

"Let's take you to a Walgreens to pick up some pain killers and then I'll drop you off at your apartment."

Alex shook her head and glanced down at her watch "It's almost five o'clock. Olivia's leaving early so we can talk."

"Talk?" Elliot asked "I get it if you don't want to tell me." He added quickly

Alex shook her head, with a pain tinged smile "The deal I made with the FBI and the U.S. Marshalls. I've been putting off telling her about it."

"Ah." Elliot said, not bothering to pry anymore.

The two lapsed into a comfortable silence until Alex's phone vibrated to life with the theme song from Jaws. Elliot let out a laugh and Alex picked it up "Hey Casey."

"_I heard about the incident in court today, how are you?" _

Alex was surprised by her co-ADA's unusually friendly demeanor and proceeded to answer with an air of caution "I'm fine thanks, just a few bruised ribs. How can I help you?"

There was a slight hesitation _"Donnelly didn't call you?" _

"No." Alex said "Why would she?"

Casey sighed _"She was supposed to brief you about this." _

"About what Casey?" Alex said, almost snapping because something was going on and she was not in on it.

"_The Range Rover Rapist case, Donnelly's forcing us to try it together." _

"What?" Alex replied "Why?"

"_Something about this being a high profile case and the DA wants the best team working it." _

"Who's first chair?" Alex asked, unsure if wanted to know the answer to this.

"_I am." _Casey replied quickly and there was no hiding the smugness in her voice _"Meet in my office at nine forty five so we can go over case theory, alright." _

"Uh-" Alex said, struggling to figure out how she felt about the situation.

"_Great." _Casey said and hung up.

Alex just sat there, even with the dial tone ringing in her ear.

"Everything okay?" Elliot asked, looking at the ADA as they arrived in the precinct parking lot

"Yeah." Alex said as she climbed out of the car "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Alright, make sure you get some ice on that okay?"

"Got it." Alex said, walking towards the entrance to the precinct but before she got there Olivia exited, her phone in hand.

"Hey, Lex, I was just about to call you. How'd the doctor go?"

"It didn't." she said, turning around to walk to Olivia's car "According to my medical records I'm still dead and the hospital won't treat a dead person."

"I'm sorry, there's some Advil at the apartment and there's ice we can put on until you're not dead anymore."

"Great." Alex said, trying to muster up the sarcasm but the bomb that Casey had dropped on her was gnawing away at her.

"Everything okay? You still want to talk about the FBI thing?" It was unusual for Olivia to be relaxed when such information, such as the deal that her girlfriend had struck up with the FBI, but there was something about the look in Alex's eyes with even the slightest mention of WitSec or the U.S. Marshalls that gave her patience to wait it out. Only for her girlfriend. Only for Alex.

"Casey's sitting first chair in a case that we are being forced to work together."

Wrapping one arm around her girlfriend, Olivia pulled her into a hug "You'll get through it."

"It's only a question of how much grunt work she is going to make me do." Alex said grumpily "It's going to be like being an associate all over again."

"Just remember to breath." Olivia said, staring the car and turning into the bright city lights of a New York evening.

* * *

><p><strong>*INSERT LINE BREAK HERE*<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Well, Alex and Casey working together? That's going to be a tough one. Let's hope that they can play nice. <em>

_This chapter was good for me, I now have a clear sense of direction for this story and that is a huge relief for me. Reviews are always appreciated. _

_Thanks. _

IRunIWriteILive


	5. Trust Fund Baby

**Title: **It's all I Have 

**Author: **IRunIWriteILive

**Ships: **Alex/Olivia

**Summary: **Three years ago Alex was shot. Three years ago Alex and Olivia parted ways, unwilling as it was. Now Alex is back. How did each women change in the others absence and will they be able to become what they once were?

**DISCLAIMER: **Let's stop and think about this for a moment, seriously, if I owned _Law and Order: Special Victims Unit _would I be on here? If you think that I would, by all means sue me, you'll get NOTHING.

**Authors Note: **I must give thanks to-**peterpeter; Ockham's razor; Trinitydowner; AnywhereElse; LiziJ1987; juicetroop82 and jbcjazz**- for reviewing the last chapter. Up next we have a slight pit stop and Alex and Olivia finally talk! Enjoy

* * *

><p><strong>*INSERT LINEBREAK*<strong>

* * *

><p>It was as the two civil servants were driving home from the precinct, making there way ever so slowly through the maze that was New York City during rush hour, when a taxi cab, confounded vehicles that they are, darted in front of Olivia Bensons mustang "Shit!" she cursed loudly as she was forced to stomp quickly on the breaks to avoid a collision.<p>

It was this sudden motion, the physics of Alex being thrown forward and the seat belt tightening across her chest and abdomen, to restrict her movement, that caused her to cry out as pain exploded in her abdomen.

Tears sprung to her eyes and the throbbing pulsating pain that had been a constant all day had mushroomed into sharp spurts of white hot pain every time the ADA inhaled.

"Alex" Olivia said, turning to look at her girlfriend who was, to the detective's horror, holding back tears that threatened to spill down " Alex, where does it hurt?"

"Ribs." Alex choked back, the pain maximizing as she spoke "Fuck." She said, a small stream of curses following as the pain escalated once again.

"I'm taking you to the ER." Olivia said, turning onto a side street and quickly navigating the backrorads of New York she knew so well "Hold on Lex." She said softer, placing a hand on top of Alex own "You'll be fine."

"I know." Alex responded through gritted teeth "Stupid taxi." She said

Olivia couldn't help but smile at that comment "This is New York." She said, as way of offering an explanation.

"Right." Alex said, a sarcastic edge to her voice "How could I forget. It's not like Wisconsin or anything, the taxi drivers there are tame."

"Tame taxi drivers?" Olivia asked "I don't think they exist.'

They pulled up in the hospital ER drive way and Olivia thrust the car into park before walking around to the other side of the car, attempting to help Alex get out. However the ADA had decided that as much pain as she was in, that would not render her inept "I got it." She said, hoisting herself out of the car and with Olivia by her side she made her way into the ER.

After walking through the automatic doors and taking a visitors pass, Alex suddenly remembered "My medical records still say I'm dead."

"What?" Olivia asked, confused.

"Yeah" Alex continued, her breathing coming in short, intermittent gasps due to the pain that was still there "The FBI or the Marshall's forgot to clear that part before I came back."

"You don't look dead to me." Olivia replied and quickly scanned the waiting room for the nearest nurse or doctor.

"Name." said the nurse to whom Alex and Olivia had approached. The nurse looked bored, the light form the computer screen reflecting off her glasses, giving both Detective and ADA a reverse view of the screen.

"Alexandra Cabot."

Typing.

Both women saw the screen change and the red letters **desaeced** in the nurses glasses "I told you." Alex muttered.

"I'm sorry Ms. Cabot but your medical records show that you passed away three years ago."

"I know." Alex said "But do I look dead to you?"

The nurse simply blinked "We can't-" she began but Alex but her off

"Help someone whose medical records reflect that they are dead. Believe me, I heard that enough tmies today." She said, angrily.

"Hey, we can just go to Warner, she can look at your ribs and help you out." Olivia suggested, seeing how agitated her girlfriend was getting.

Alex shook her head "I'm sick of the god damn U.S. Marshalls screwing my life up. I've avoided using my last name to get me places for a long time but right now I want to know if my ribs are broken and if so, I want some painkiller stronger than Advil."

Olivia listened to this rant and said "You don't have to Alex."

Alex sighed, she didn't have anything against the family she came, in fact (with the exception of her mother) she was very close with all members of immediate and less directly related. Her last name only bothered her because once people knew where she was from, the money she had, they treated her differently. She wanted to make it in the real world on her own, not with the help of a trust fund.

"Normally" she began "I would listen to you but I'm pissed off and Warner can only do so much off the books."

Olivia nodded, feeling sorry for the nurse and anyone else who stood in the way of Alex after this.

"Listen Nurse" Alex began, scanning the area for a name tag "Christina I get it, you're just doing your job but today was attacked by a rapist alright? He tried to strangle me to death but only succeeded in knocking a table over and giving me some bruised ribs. I came here earlier today and was told that I couldn't get help because I'm dead but honestly, do I look fucking dead to you?"

"Ma'am" the nurse began "I will call security and have you escorted off the property if you do not calm down."

"Right" Alex sneered, anger fueling her tirade "you do that and then I'll call my uncle and let him know that his sweet little niece was refused treatment."

"I'm sure your uncle will be very sad, but I'm sorry, that won't help."

"Do you know who my uncle is?"

"No."

"Right, my uncle is Theodore Cabot." Alex paused, she felt like shit for doing this, putting the nurse down like this, using her name like it was a weapon was exactly what she had tried to avoid for the past ten years. Swallowing her emotions and letting the pain radiating from her side remind her why she needed to do this push her forward she continued "That Theodore Cabot, hospital board vice president , the best cardiac surgeon this hospital has ever seen. Now do you want me to call him?"

That last sentence was supposed to be very, very threatening but it lacked her usual ice queen venom as the nurse just stuttered "No ma'am. I'm sure the doctors would love to see you right away. Follow me."

Alex nodded, letting out a long sigh that ended up only causing her more pain. Both she and Olivia followed the nurse down a long hallway and into a waiting room "The doctor will be right with you." The nurse said, her tone icy and her eyes cold.

As soon as they were left alone, in the isolation of the tiny waiting room, Alex said "I hated that."

"I know." Olivia said "That's not the kind of person you are."

"I feel like my mother." Alex said "That's how she acts, who she is." She said, then added "Was."

Alex hadn't talked about the death of her mother since returning to New York City. Olivia had received a call from Alex's older brother, Anthony, informing her of Mrs. Charlotte Cabot's death. The detective would admit that the phone call did surprise her. Alex and her mother had never been close but the detective and Mrs. Cabot had never gotten along, the elder Cabot making her feelings about Alex's sexual preferences very, very clear.

Nevertheless, Olivia had attended the funeral at the request of both Anthony and Mr. Cabot, both of whom she had met while attending Alex's own funeral. That event had been a somber affair, Charlotte Cabot sending icy glares in Olivia's direction but the rest of Alex's family and friends had been quite welcoming. She had known a few of the from prior meetings, Abbie Carmichael and Serena Southerlyn were good friends of Alexs' from law school and frequently visited the city when they had the spare time, even in the months after Alex's death.

However over time Olivia estranged herself form Alex's family, the pain of being around those who loved Alex like she had, was too much. And in their own grieving, they let it happen. She hadn't spoken to any of the immense Cabot family since Charlotte Cabots funeral, which had occurred four month's or so after Alex's own.

A sharp knock on the door startled Olivia out of her thoughts and back into the waiting room where a handsome doctor had just entered "I'm Doctor Farris, I heard that you're having some pain in your ribs?" he asked

Alex nodded "I as attacked earlier this morning and was only just now able to get to a hospital to get them looked at. "

"Alright" the doctor began "Why don't we start by you telling me what happened…."

* * *

><p><strong>*INSERT LINE BREAK HERE* <strong>

* * *

><p>Forty five minutes, two cracked ribs and a prescription for some very strong pain killers later, Alex and Olivia crossed the threshold into their apartment. Duke, who had been feeling very neglected since his walk at three o'clock this afternoon by the dog walker, Vicky, came bounding out of the shadows of the apartment and jumped up onto Olivia, licking her face.<p>

"Down Duke." She said "Down!" the dog complied and turned sullenly to Alex, hoping for a bit more love, which he received.

"Why don't you go sit down on the couch and I'll get us some wine." Olivia suggested.

Alex hesitated "Why don't we take Duke for a walk, he looks like he could use some attention?"

Olivia, open to whatever Alex wanted nodded "Are you sure?" she asked and Alex nodded.

Grabbing Dukes leash and a heavier jacket a piece, Alex and Olivia made their way downstairs and after a quick word with the doorman, eventually outside. The air was cool and a slight breeze made it chilly enough that both women we glad for the jackets they had grabbed.

They walked in an amiable silence for a while, simply letting Duke lead them around the streets of the city, before Alex finally spoke up "They picked me up after work." She started "Just rolled up and at first I thought it was because someone had discovered where I was. But then they told me Rafael Gaviria had been found dead, along with his two henchmen. The gang he had run as in a civil was and my hit was gone. Plus they had found the man who tried to kill me, a man named Liam Connors." She said "They told me I could go home, if I wanted."

"I remember hearing about Gaviria's death, a warehouse fire right?"

Alex nodded "Yea, they suspect Liam Connors set it up because Gaviria refused to pay him for his services. Anyway they told me that if I desired, Alexandra Cabot could come back from the dead, with one requirement. "Alex hesitated "I have to testify in open court against him."

* * *

><p><strong>*INSERT LINEBREAK HERE*<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Cliffhanger? Kinda but not really. <em>

_So, we gain a little bit more background on Alex's family as well as what happened after her death. And, of course, we see her acting like the aristocratic trust fund baby that she tries so hard not to be. I hope that you enjoy this update, I was inspired and, luckily, I had enough time to get it out._

_Now I have some questions for you: _

_1) Would you like Alex's family (brothers etc) to make an appearance? _

_2) How about Abbie Carmichael and Serene Southerlyn? _

_Please, I hope that you enjoyed. Reviews are appreciated. _

_Thanks, _

IRunIWriteILive


	6. No Postcard

**Title: **It's all I Have 

**Author: **IRunIWriteILive

**Ships: **Alex/Olivia

**Summary: **Three years ago Alex was shot. Three years ago Alex and Olivia parted ways, unwilling as it was. Now Alex is back. How did each women change in the others absence and will they be able to become what they once were?

**DISCLAIMER: **Let's stop and think about this for a moment, seriously, if I owned _Law and Order: Special Victims Unit _would I be on here? If you think that I would, by all means sue me, you'll get NOTHING.

**Authors Note: **As per usual I must give thanks to those readers who reviewed the last chapter:LiziJ1987; SlyWolf17; jbcjazz; juicetroop82; heatwave16; peterpeter; AnywhereElse; brwnsuga; ahanson (for chapter one); Ockham's razor; junebuggnc; I give you all the virtual candy of your choice! Anyway here is the update, it gave me some problems but I am working through it. Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>*INSERT LINE BREAK HERE*<strong>

* * *

><p>"You seem surprised." Olivia commented quietly, her fingers intertwined with Alex's "Did I so something wrong?" she asked, concern laced in her voice but masked on her face.<p>

Alex shook her head, squeezing Olivia's fingers as Duke pulled relentlessly on his leash, leading them to god knows where "No." she replied "I am surprised Liv." She said "You seem so nonchalant about me testifying about Liam Connors."

"Babe" Liv started "you're a witness, he tried to kill you, I'm not surprised they're making you testify. I just-"she broke off, some other emotion uprising inside her and she fought to control it.

The two women stopped walking, now it was Alex's turn to be concerned as she watched her girlfriend struggle with something internally. Duke, who clearly had some sort of agenda, looked back at his mistresses and cocked his head, as if asking why they had suddenly stopped walking when all he wanted to do was keep walking "Olivia" Alex said softly "tell me."

Olivia shook her head, shaking away the tears and forcing her emotions downwards "I'm fine." She said, even though both women knew that it was a lie "I just" she said again, starting over but finding herself unable to say it like that, she turned and looked Alex in the eyes "Alex" she said, a sort of gritty determination in her, but Alex heard the passion and god damn, did the way Olivia make her name sound turn her on "Alexandra Cabot." Olivia repeated "I love you. I love you more than anything in the entire world and when you told me that you had made a deal with the Feds I was afraid that they would take you away from me again. I lost you once. I couldn't stand to lose you again."

Then, they kissed.

Alex, initially surprised at the ferocity behind the kiss, quickly responded with her own passion, allowing herself to get overtaken with her own emotions "Olivia" she whispered as they broke apart "I would never leave you. I don't care what deal the FBI would have forced upon me, I'm back, for good."

"You have" Olivia said as they began to walk again, arms now wrapped around each other's waists, holding each other close "no idea how that makes me feel." She said honestly "I've been so scared that you were going to leave after the Connor's trial. First you said that there was a deal and then you seemed to avoid talking about it, I thought the worst baby, I really did."

"I'm sorry" Alex said "I just didn't know how to tell you because I didn't know how you would respond. I thought that you might get angry. "She admitted quietly

"Why?" Olivia asked, genuinely interested.

"Putting myself back in harms way and all that." Alex replied, laughing slightly.

"Never." Olivia said "I will protect you, protect us, until the day I die." She said and both women realized the sincerity of that statement. The two often joked about Olivia's overprotective nature but the basic fact was, and Alex had long since come to this realization, that Olivia would do _anything _to protect those whom she cared about. Alex happened to fall into that category and something the blond ADA wondered just what lengths the detective would go to protect Alex. Those thoughts often lead down dangerous paths full of death, jail time and grief, so Alex stopped thinking about it and rather set about wishing that the day would never come.

Duke dragged then around a corner, onto a darker street, where a few clusters of people could be seen smoking outside the local bar. A few of them were obviously drunk and as the two women got within their drunken eyesight, two or three cat called. Neither woman reacted, however Alex felt Olivia's arm tighten instinctively around Alex, _well, _Alex mused silently, _so much for hoping for that day to never come. I hope these drunken fools can keep their hands to themselves._

As the two women passed by a group of men who had been yelling rather obnoxious pick up lines, the one nearest to Alex stepped in front of her path and grinned, a lop sided smile that revealed yellowing teeth "Come on baby." He said "Come home with me, or at least" He said, side stepping so he could continue blocking her path "let me buy you a drink."

"No" Alex said "I'm good, you should go home."

"Aw sweet thang." The man said "One drink, I'm sure one of my friends could spare the change for your friend as well." He finished, placing a hand on Alex's arm and pulling her towards him.

Alex, who was still sore in the ribs from the incident earlier that day, barley had enough time react before Olivia made her move. It was nothing extravagant, she just stepped in front of Alex and pulled back her jacket, revealing her badge, and probably the more effective part, her gun "The woman said no, back off."

The man peered down at the gun and badge on Olivia's hip and seemingly tried to figure out what they meant "Dude." One of his more sober buddies said, yanking his cohorts hand off of Alex's arm "She's a fucking cop, back off." And with that the group of men disappeared back into the bar.

Alex turned to Olivia "Thank you for not taking him out completely." She said with a grin

"Uh-huh." Olivia replied "It crossed my mind, let me tell you."

"I know, that's why I said it."

"Did you now, aren't you smart. Let's keep walking before he decides to come out for round two and brings some more buddies."

"Right." Alex nodded and the two women continued walking again, now veering back for the direction of their apartment "I need to call Casey and tell her I can't make it at nine forty five tomorrow to talk Casey theory."

"Why can't you?"

"Petrovsky wants the prosecution and the defense in her chambers tomorrow at nine thirty to discuss what to do about the case. The defense is probably going to try and get her to call it a mistrial but I think I'll just them a deal, with the defendant attacking me in court on public record I will easily win the retrial, it's not worth anyone's time to try it."

"At least you have a legitimate reason for not being able to make it." Olivia offered as some form of comfort.

"That's not going to stop Casey being a total bitch about it I bet. Or she might just make me do _everything _for her, but I swear" Alex said, turning to look at Olivia "if she sends me to get her coffee I'm going to strangle her."

Olivia couldn't help but laugh at the image of someone ordering Alex to go and retrieve them coffee "Oh you think it's funny." Alex said "I'm dead serious Olivia Benson, on word out of her mouth that even insinuates I'm beneath her, it's over."

"Technically…" Olivia said, knowing she was messing with fire but not able to resist the temptation of playing around with Alex.

"Olivia!" Alex exclaimed "you're supposed to be on _my _side."

"I am Alex" Olivia said grinning "just pointing out that because you're second chair you are technically beneath her."

"Whatever" Alex huffed "I'm not getting her coffee."

"I'm sure she won't ask you to get her coffee." Olivia said "You'll do fine Alex, just remember to breath and if it get's to out of hand, go talk to Donnelly."

"I can't." Alex said, letting out a sigh "This is our big test, if we can't work together, one of us looses the ADA spot. No way am I going to go whining to Liz just because Casey has a big head. I'll gut it out, hopefully I have the chance to actually do something productive, like save her ass."

"There we go." Olivia said with a wry grin "That's the Alexandra Cabot I know."

"You're evil." Alex said, realizing the mind games that she had just become the victim of "Pure evil."

"I know." Olivia said with a grin as she pulled out her key "But you love me for it."

"That's a matter of opinion." Alex said, not bothering to hide the smile that played on the edges of her lips as Olivia turned to look at her "But I think my opinion is the same as yours, I do love you for it."

"Good." Olivia muttered, smiling "Because I've heard the couch is really comfortable this time of year."

"Right Detective." Alex replied "I'm sure you would tell me all about it tomorrow morning."

"Oh I wouldn't be the one on it." Olivia commented, as the elevator doors slide shut and the two women headed up to their penthouse, laughing.

* * *

><p><strong>*INSERT LINE BREAK HERE* <strong>

* * *

><p>Alex sat in her office, tapping the end of her pen on the desk as she stared down at the book she ahd in front of her. Not like she was trying to impress anybody but she had gotten to the office just before seven thirty and had nothing to do but wait for nine thirty to roll around (and Casey wasn't in yet…) so Alex resigned herself to looking through cases similar to the Range Rover Rapist in order to have precedents lined up in case they needed them.<p>

Deciding suddenly that she wanted to talk to Liz about _why _herself and Casey had been placed on the same case, less then a month after her return, Alex pushed herself up out of the chair. Walking out of her office, she saw Liz's secretary, Jill "Hey, is Liz in yet?"

Jill nodded "I don't think she went home last night."

"Thanks Jill." Alex said, walking down the hallway to Liz's office, where she paused for a moment before knocking on the door.

"Come on in." came the reply, Liz sounded tired.

Alex pushed the door open and walked in but before she could even open her mouth to say anything Liz beat her to it "It's not my fault, direct orders from above."

Sitting down Alex let out a sigh "Good to know you haven't lost your mind."

Liz nodded "I tried to explain to McCoy that this was a horrible idea but he didn't seem to care. He kept saying something about clearing your case load for your testimony or something."

"What?" Alex asked "My testimony as in for the Connor's trial?"

"I assume, unless you're testify in some other case?"

Alex shook her head "That means the trials about to start in the next week, if he's trying to clear my case load. I haven't even met the prosecutor yet." She muttered.

"I may be able to help you with that." A new voice said, a voice that Alex recognized.

She turned, a grin on her face "Abbie Carmichael." She said "Please tell me that you are the prosecutor?"

"Yes, however I have a bone to pick with you."

"Uh-oh." Alex said, standing up to hug her friend "What did I do?"

"Die." Abbie said "Then come back to life. I go to your funeral and everything, I think one of my best friends is dead and all of sudden I hear you're alive and I don't even get a postcard?"

"Sorry." Alex said, looking down "It's been pretty crazy since I got back."

Abbie shrugged "I can accept that." she said "Coming back to life must have it's complications."

"Like you would never believe." Alex replied, turning back to Liz "I'll let you get some rest." She said "We can talk later."

Liz nodded and watched as the raven haired Texan and the blond haired ADA headed towards her door, as Alex was about to walk out, Liz called "Alex."

"Yeah?"

"Don't kill Casey." She said "Just remember to breath."

Alex laughed "I've been getting that a lot lately."

"Then you'd better listen." Liz said as Ales walked out.

Turning back to Abbie, Alex looked at her watch "I've got a little under an hour before I'm needed in court, want to get some coffee?"

Abbie nodded "Sure, we do have a lot to talk about."

"True" Alex agreed "Why do you need my testimony?" she asked, her tone dead serious.

"Jump right in why don't you." Abbie replied "Look, honestly I don't need you're testimony. I read Olivia's witness statement, she didn't see anything and I can assume it's safe to guess that you didn't see any more than she did."

"Right." Alex said "I can give you the license plate of the car but that's about it, I barely remember any of it."

Abbie sighed "Well, I wish I could tell you that you didn't need to testify but I'm under orders to make sure you get on the stand." She then added "It could be because Connor's has never been confronted by a living victim, maybe their hoping that just your presence freaks him out enough."

"At least that sounds like an actual reason." Alex said, entering the coffee shop.

"I don't know how much I trust it though." Abbie said "The guys a professional sniper, the presence of one of his victims isn't likely to shake him, let alone make him loose his composure."

"Whatever" Alex said "If you have no choice than just stick me up there and see what happens."

Abbie nodded "He doesn't know that your alive so that could help, with the element of surprise on our side he might lose it just enough."

"That's a gamble."

"One I'm going to have to take." Abbie replied "My case is pretty rock solid without your testimony, they didn't even give me a second chair for it. Having you testify is just an added bonus."

* * *

><p><strong>*INSERT LINE BREAK HERE* <strong>

* * *

><p><em>Another chapter down, hope you like how I inserted Abbie into the mix and I <em>_promise __that the next chapter will have some fireworks; Casey and Alex brand to be exact. _

_Thanks for reading and if you feel like clicking that little blue bar, well I won't stop, hey, I'll even give you a bunny, or a duck, you pick! _

IRunIWriteILive


	7. Authors Note

**Readers. **

**I really have to apologize because I honestly intended to give you an updated chapter before I left for England, however that is just no possible. Things got out of hand in RL and I was left with very little time to write. I will be back on July 13****th**** for three days and will try and get you an update during that time. If I get a chance to post earlier, I will be amazed, but I will take the opportunity. **

**Thank you so much for staying with me and I hope that my absence will not drive any of you away. **

**Thanks, **

**IRunIWriteILive**


End file.
